Happy Valentine’s Day! Here are four valentine tips from our KIN & KiDS therapists
Happy Valentine’s Day!
To celebrate Valentine’s Day, we asked four of our therapists to share one valentine tip that has helped them keep the spark in their relationship. Here’s what they said.
Valentine Tip No. 1
“Being married 25 years is no small achievement these days and more so if the flame is still burning passionately.”
Reflecting on these words that a long-time friend penned during our 25th Wedding Anniversary celebration has reminded me that it is not the number of years that constitute a happy marriage but whether one is still passionately in love with the same woman.
What makes us love each other all these years? Well, after many years of marriage, I found out it is AFFECTION. All women need affection and they thrive on it. Conversely, if husbands fail to give them that, they either wilt or they find it somewhere else.
The conservative Chinaman in me initially found much difficulty to show her affection especially in public. However, realising its importance, I started calling her “darling”, texted her “sweetie”, putting my hands around her shoulder and waist, hugging and cuddling her in front of our children.
Our niece who lives next door used to run out of our house feeling embarrassed when she came into our house and saw us cuddling each other on the sofa but she has since grown to accept it as normal.
Mind you, it has yet to become my second nature and I still have to remind myself to do these things daily.
For Valentine this year, why not start giving your wife affection (privately and if possible, publicly as well) and you will be amazed how she will reciprocate!
Valentine Tip No. 2
A week ago, my husband and I celebrated our 6th Wedding Anniversary. As I reflected then, I am contented for our marriage. It is not a great or perfect marriage, because as lovey dovey as we are some times, there are days that we don’t measure up to each other’s expectations. And so I have learned that communicating my needs and feelings to him helps him to be aware, understand and meet my needs in our relationship.
Just a couple of days after our anniversary, I cooked him a nice dinner before he had to go outstation for work, but he did not seem appreciative of my extra effort (well because he was busy stuffing his face down!). Of course, I felt disappointed and unappreciated. It took me a while brewing in my hurt, and it took me some courage to reach out to him in my vulnerability and finally uttered, “I would have liked to be appreciated for my extra effort in preparing this dinner, and I feel hurt when I don’t get a Thank You.” Hearing this helped him realise his inaction, and led him to give me a hug and said the words only he could, so well.
Instead of remaining silent or blaming/attacking your spouse, try letting him/her know how you feel and what you need when your expectation in the relationship is not met. Odds are when you say this gently, he/she will be more likely to hear you and surprise you by going over and above to meet that need!
Valentine Tip no. 3
Stay realistic, but remember to be grateful for all the good in your relationship – Jo Ann Loo
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and so is our 1st wedding anniversary, just a week away. The past one year has seen us not only adjusting to life together as a married couple but also as new parents.
Building our life together has been wonderful, but not without its challenges. As I learn to cope with the demands of parenthood, the stress sometimes takes over, making it easy to focus on what’s wrong or lacking in my partner and overlook what is going on well and the person whom I fell in love with. Whenever I catch myself doing so and am able to take a step back, I’m reminded of how we complement each other because of our differences and the value of that.
As my husband always say, we are a team (he calls us the team “Rough n Tough, but Soft n Gooey”)! It is also easy to see us as parents and forget that we are also love birds as my friend used to describe us. I believe it takes a continuous sense of gratitude for one another and for the partnership to make the marriage work.
On this Valentine’s Day, I am grateful for who we are as individuals, and for the life that we have and are building together.
Valentine Tip No. 4
As I was looking for a couple picture for this post, I discovered that our last couple picture was when I was 28-weeks pregnant with our triplets more than two and a half years ago! Indeed, our lives have very much revolves around our boys since they came into our lives. As a working mother of multiples, making time for my husband, who works long and odd hours, is indeed an ongoing challenge. I am aware though, that spending special time with my husband is the most meaningful way he experiences my love for him as his primary love language is quality time.
So today on Valentine’s Day 2015, I am committed to doing a better job in making special time with my husband!
If you are like me, a busy working spouse with a hectic schedule and demands of urban life, why not join me in making this commitment?